you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
