but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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