i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
