I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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