I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it's like iHOP with fire
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
