Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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