Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
as a side note pls kill me
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