Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
