I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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