Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
