Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
