im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
