I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
