The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
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I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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