Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
