do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
