dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
