she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
