You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
