If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night