If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.