So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top