you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho