my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
