Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
