At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
