hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
