Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
