Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
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She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need a hoe opinion