Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
