He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
