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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'

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• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?

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• (845): View more from New York

  Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

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• 

  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (310): View more from California

  Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.

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• (562): View more from California

  I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell

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• (323): View more from California

  Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.

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