My sheets look like a crime scene.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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