atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize