she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
