Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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