everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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