She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They have beer where we have blood.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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