We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
