the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
