hell yes lets make some ravioli
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
