I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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