i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
