you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
