Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize