I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
