Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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