have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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