We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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