I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
