i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
