According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
