I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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