I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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