Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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