i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
