Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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