Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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