WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
