Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
