totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
