drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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