U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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