Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
