Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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