her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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