i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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