Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize