I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
