I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
