Im at strip club and am horny
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
