just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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