Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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