I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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