I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
