you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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