Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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