I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
