My sheets look like a crime scene.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
