im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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