his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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